My Blog

do u wanna know what i did today?i lingered ard at a fanpage of an actress whom i m not a fan of.hey don’t judge me,i was being escapism-istic about my Homeostasis paper n wanted to look at anywhere but books.sooo..there were some provocative pix of that actress that granted some ppls’ comments about aurat. frankly,im not surprised by what she wears. what surprised me was what some ppl wrote to defend her against the aurat comments. they were so mad about ppl criticizing their fave actress, that they used practically everything to defend her.n that includes their views about (n against) halal haram,’islam yg tidak memaksa’ etc etc.n they speak so with conviction.boldly.angrily.some comments chilled the otherwise mellow me so much that i researched about the things that wud warrant someone a murtad and im saddened that they’re teetering so close to being those who wont even smell jannah.sure,they might be die hard fans of her,but more surely,she isn’t worth it.i understand that what ppl choose to follow and believe is no one’s decision but their own.the actual act of not following The Rule is not my concern here. what i don’t get it,why wage war against The Rule? note that it’s 2 difft things. why oppose The One who made The Rule,The One whom u have no power whatsoever against?it deeply saddened me that sometimes in the craziness of defending the wrong things that we do,we are committing an even bigger sin.nauzubillah..proves that if u cant say anything good,then don’t say anything at all.

my reaction,the fear i felt about it confused me.all my life ive been a mellow person.u know,the one in the middle.i try to follow sometimes but i dont lead.n when i dont follow,ive got genuinely nice ppl who’d snap me back to reality when i stray too far away.but the number of comments ive seen overwhelmed me.n it struck me,what if there are not enuff reality snappers around?i ended up posting something that is perhaps out of place,but i was too restless to be doing nothing.it’s like the ship im in is heading to an iceberg n the captain who drives the ship had just had a heart attack.n even though i dunno anything about driving ships,im trying hard to steer the wheel away from the iceberg.

we need to learn more about the sea.n God,don’t let this ship sink.

ive been getting scary dreams lately and i don’t know why.like of a
murderer wanting to kill me and scarily is able to detect my heartbeat.
fortunately, dr sheikh astronaut saved me. how he got into my dream, i
dont know. im not even a fan. tells u that i must be under a lot of
stress- exams.not enough time.not doing enough to utilise the limited
time.battle of interests which left me feeling needy and sore for
feeling n being so.and vowing not to need.or care about anyone’s needs.

maybe i wasn’t there enough when i was needed.was i?well at least i know, if no one does,that i tried my best.

im very close to giving up and that doesn’t make me feel an ounce better.sigh